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Tag Archives: Current Events

I am a lady president.

Photo Credits

Photo Credits

Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Ang sumusunod ay sampu sa mga kahayupang gagawin ko kapag ako ay naluklok bilang presidente ng Pilipinas. Pasensiya na dahil umuulan sa labas at wala akong magawa.

1. Sa turnover ceremony ay tatawagin kong “bitch” si GMA. Hihingi ako ng paumanhin dahil iyon naman ay aksidente lamang.

2. Anumang kulang sa budget ng pagkain at tuition fee ng mga batang  maralita ay ikakaltas ko na sa sweldo ng mga pulitikong namumuno sa kanila.

3. Kakamkamin ko ang lahat ng lupain at ari-arian ng pamilyang Marcos, Estrada at Arroyo at ipamamahagi ko sa mahihirap. Maging ang lahat ng kayamanan ni Chavit Singson ay aagawin ko na rin.

4. Ililibre ko ang buong bayan sa Bobby Van’s Steakhouse. Mga ka-close ko lang ang dadalhin ko sa Le Cirque para naman makatipid.

5. Magpapa-install ako ng surveillance camera sa lahat ng sulok ng mga opisina ng gobyerno. Yes, pati sa CR. Sinuman ang mahuhuling nangongotong o gumagawa ng kababalaghan ay ipapa-bartolina ko ng isa hanggang tatlong buwan.

6. Salary deduction sa lahat ng senador, congressman, gobernador, mayor, baranggay captain, konsehal etc. na absent o natutulog sa trabaho. (contributed by my vice-president, Shattershards)

7. Hindi maaring tumakbo si Manny Pacquiao. Period. No erase.

8. Bawat P10,000 na ninakaw mula sa kaban ng bayan ay katumbas ng isang putol daliri sa kamay o paa. Hindi ko pa alam ang gagawin ko sa mga pulitikong ubos na ang lahat ng daliri sa katawan. I’ll just cross the bridge when I get there.

9. Sa huling taon ng aking termino ay tatandaan ko ang pangalan ng mga pulitikong hindi pa rin nagbabago at walang kakayahang magbago. Ipapatali ko silang lahat sa puno ng niyog at ipapakain sa mga army ants.

10. Gagawin kong National Artist si Diether Ocampo. Hindi man siya masyadong magaling umarte ay nagu-guwapuhan pa rin ko sa kanya. Ang mga magrereklamo ay gagawin ko ring National Artists.

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30 Comments

Posted by on September 11, 2009 in Jokes, People, Politics

 

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I am a laughing baboon.

Booby-tron

Booby-tron

This boob job controversy of yours made me want to jump from being your number one critic to being your number one fan. Whether it’s real or not, it definitely made my day.

I always thought you were the type who needed longer knees more than a boob job but you proved everyone wrong.

I just didn’t know you had it in you. Silicone implants and all. You were probably one of the coolest chicks in the 80’s when you had it done. Did you have a tongue ring installed in your mouth too?

I’m sorry, I can’t stop laughing.

 
4 Comments

Posted by on July 8, 2009 in Current Events, People

 

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I am an open letter.

An Open Letter to Manny Villar
CC: Mar Roxas
BCC: Ad Hungry Politicians

Dear Manuel,

I commend you sir, for single-handedly taking the term “camwhore” to the next level. I thought Bong Revilla was going to do it but you did!

Mr. Tondo

Mr. Tondo

I used to like you Mr. Senator. You and your rags-to-riches rise from poverty. That crumbling shack in Moriones St. has made you an icon to the masses– but don’t you think it’s already a bit overplayed? I’ve seen you for far too many times on TV that I now hate seeing the color orange.

I heard you spent 300 million pesos on those commercials. Are you crazy? Have you forgotten how hard it is to even earn 300 pesos these days?

We are not as dumb as you think sir. We are a nation forged by years of war, dictatorship and corruption. We will know a good leader when we see one. The only problem is that we haven’t seen one in many years.

Please spend your millions where it is sorely needed. You, of all people, should know how many lives you can change with even a small portion of that. The only people who profit from these political ads are the those who already own 25 to 50 buildings in this country.

Let’s make a deal Mr. Senator. I promise to vote for you if you start feeding hungry kids in Payatas behind my back. The media is going to show it on TV anyway. Were talking 10,000 pogi point and free publicity here.

Mr. Padyak

Mr. Padyak

.. and kindly tell Mar Roxas that a bear is two inches short from having the skin that he has. His fiancee is an intelligent and respectable woman. How he trampled on her childhood dreams for romance and true love by making her an accessory to his political ambitions.

A marriage proposal on Wowowee? Bravo sir, how momentous! I wonder why he didn’t drive a padyak onstage and did the moonwalk after pulling over.

Tsk. Tsk. I won’t be surprised if suddenly he guest stars as “Bro” (finally revealed) in May Bukas Pa– flashing those big white molars in the end credits. Grrr! $#^!!%^&^!*F^&^*%&^&^%@#*!##^%%*@!!!!!

That was my one year old son typing the last line by the way. It’s his future too anyway.

 
22 Comments

Posted by on June 29, 2009 in Current Events, Personal, Politics, Television, Videos

 

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I am courage.

What is courage? Have you ever seen it? Have you ever touched it? Have you ever known it?

Ladies and gentlemen, THIS IS COURAGE.

 

 

I can’t help but get goosebumps because I expected a lot less from her. I thought it’s only a matter of time before she overdosed herself with one liter of Thiodan (or any similar concoction)– but she didn’t. Instead, she pressed on like a phoenix rising from it’s ashes.

Taong Grasa

Taong Grasa

I really admire the way she keeps mum about this whole fiasco. If it were me, I would probably go to Hayden’s house with twenty cameras in tow– at sasampalin ko siya ng bonggang-bongga!

 
6 Comments

Posted by on June 25, 2009 in Current Events, People

 

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I am a Filipino.

I know, I’m guilty of writing politically charged blog posts lately. I just can’t help it especially when I see Imelda Marcos crying on TV and telling everyone that she only lives off the former dictators pension nowadays.

Apparently, she was asking the government to “return” her jewels which are reportedly worth 15 billion pesos. Wow, where did she get all that money? I wonder.

Is she serious? She is one of Newsweeks ‘Greediest People of All Time’ for crying out loud! Even if she lived in the  slums and lived as a poor person until she rots, she won’t even get close to paying her financial and moral debts to the Filipino people.

“I have no more funds. I have no more funds.” she says in pure agony. Well I say this speech is entirely uncharacteristic of someone who used to close Bloomingdales for a day so she could enjoy a private  shopping experience.

imeda

Imelda Marcos

Madam, those jewels, shoes, cars and mansions belong to us Filipinos– all 91.1 million of us. You took it without our consent while bringing worldwide shame to your motherland. Now you still have the nerve to call them yours?

imelda diamond

Bvlgari Diamond Bangle, 30.76 carats ($1,000,000)

Up until now, I’m wondering why this lady was never put behind bars for corruption. Then again, who am I to question a justice system which allows the Arroyo family to roam the streets without any remorse?

 
12 Comments

Posted by on June 17, 2009 in Current Events, People

 

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I am an apathetic citizen.

“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”

– Edmund Burke

For a perennial lazybum and apathetic citizen like me, the Ako Mismo campaign is a damn good idea. I’ve been complaining about life here in the Philippines for far too long and I didn’t even vote in the last elections.

Oh I did? I can’t remember!

ako-mismo1

Chris Tiu

The website looks good– one of the best I’ve seen so far. I’m not sure if there is an underlying political motive behind it but I somehow like the idea that it unites people for the same cause. Oh, it unleashes the hunger striker in me!  Hahaha!

Jastine Salazar

Jastine Salazar

ako1

Iya Ol0ndriz

akomismomelissa

Melissa Villa

I like the overall aim of the campaign which is to involve us Filipinos in solving our country’s 1,000 year-old problems. I’ll support it just as long as they don’t sell my e-mail address to spam companies. Hehehe.

What can I say, Chris Tiu alone can lure me into that website. (wink)

 
16 Comments

Posted by on June 15, 2009 in Blogging, Current Events

 

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