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Category Archives: Lessons

I am three nightmares.

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I am what happens when the following people close their eyes and go to sleep. (evil grin)

Richard Gutierrez

1. Mishaps involving airplanes, speedboats, automobiles and other modes of transportation.

2. Anabelle Rama’s big mouth.

3. Waking up looking like  Rene Requiestas.

Hayden Kho

1. Having sex with a 65 year old woman named Vicki.

2. The words “two inches” in big bold letters . (wink)

3. Being castrated by ghosts of girlfriends past.

Kris Aquino

1. HERSELF, literally being IN the center of the earth.

2. HERSELF, having the surname “Alatiit” instead of “Aquino”.

3. HERSELF, being gagged into oblivion by Boy Abunda.

Anabelle Rama

1. Waking up with a severe case of tonsilitis.

2. Wilma Galvante clad in a seductive playboy bunny costume.

3. Waking up without lawsuits that fuel her enthusiasm to live.

Mikey Arroyo

1. Tasting the sweet and salty taste of sardines for the very first time.

2. Drowning in thirty tons of 10-peso coins.

3. Being trapped in a roof amid a sea of expensive wine at the height of a typhoon Ondoy.

Chavit Singson

1. Being chewed alive by wild animals from his personal collection.

2. Not having enough money and semen to rule the world.

3. Being horsewhipped by no less than Che Tiongson.

Joseph Estrada

1. The extinction of ignorant people who still want him to become president.

2. The extinction of stupid people who still want him to become president.

3. The extinction of gullible people. Period.

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Posted by on October 8, 2009 in Jokes, Lessons, Movies, People, Politics

 

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I am a meat eater.

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My hopes of being vegetarian will be carried over to my next life. I am a T-Rex of my species. A meat eater if you will.

I have a stevedore’s appetite. And because of that, I have been living in constant guilt and fear for my health.

Scenario #1:

Me: (while eating sisig) God will probably punish me for enjoying life too much. An early death or a terminal illness.

Hubby: (annoyed angry look) God is not like that. Why would he punish you for being happy?

Me: (pointing at him with a fork) Hmmm, though it doesn’t change anything, you still have a point.

 
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Posted by on September 8, 2009 in Lessons, People, Personal, Stories

 

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I am a passerby.

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Hello there, sir. You do not know me.

It’s been days since I saw you last but images of you keep on popping in my brain like an alarm clock.

You were braving the national highway with your amputated legs, under the scorching heat of the sun, in your dilapidated wheelchair.

As if adding insult to an already long list of injuries, you were carrying a box full of cigarettes and candies on your lap. Were you selling those? Seriously?

Oh, how I hate myself. And others who are luckier. We have no reason to complain because we have four limbs and more. Yet we always do.

I only went to the mall to eat steak on a sizzling hot plate that day but instead I came home with a lesson. Thank you, sir. I needed that.

 
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Posted by on September 3, 2009 in Lessons, People

 

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I am happiness.

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I am everywhere. In simple joys and pretty flowers. In laughter. In strife. Even in sacrifice.

I am always a few inches away from your grasp yet you do not acknowledge me. You act as if you do not know me.

By way of selfishness or vanity, you are scared of me. You refuse to hold me in your hands for fear of losing me in the end.

Please understand that I am temporary. I was made that way so you would cherish me. That is my very essence. That is the whole point of my existence.

Come here child. Stop over-analyzing me. Embrace me. Savor me. Enjoy me while I last..

 
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Posted by on August 4, 2009 in Lessons, People

 

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