1. Gloria Arroyo and Andal Amputan’s crimes against humanity will be forgotten in no time.
Noynoy Aquino Kris Aquino will become president. God Bless us all.
3. Hayden Kho’s sex life will never be the same again.
4. Mar Roxas will twit a picture of Korina in her underwear, ala Ashton Kutcher.
5. CNN Hero of the Year Efren Peñaflorida will be the new sexy.
6. Bong Revilla will be the poster boy for husbands who never– I repeat– never cheat on their wives.
7. Dra. Vicky Belo will be dating a thirteen year-old schoolboy.
8. Willie Revillame will finally realize that he doesn’t rule the world. Gabby Lopez does.
9. Mistress number five for Manny Pacquiao and diamond solitaire number three for Jinkee.
10. Derek Ramsay will break up with Angelica Panganiban to begin an illicit affair with me. Weeeeeeeee!