Disclaimer: All the characters mentioned in this article are fictional hallucinations only. Any similarities to actual persons, places or events are purely coincidental and mildly unintentional.
Getting married entails the privilege of adding fifty relatives to your family tree. In a basket full of delectable and crunchy apples, there should be a couple of rotten ones to spoil your fun. Here are my 12 fool proof tips to surviving a pest-y, I mean pesky in-law.
1. In the words of Rachel Leigh Cook.. be silent, be still, be silent, be still– because anything you say can and will be used against you. Pesky people will promise you that.
2. Read the line “Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.” 100 times before you sleep. Frame it on your wall if you have to.
3. When you’re angry, count 1 to 10 backwards. When you’re really really angry, count 1 to 100 backwards. So on and so forth.
4. Smile, though your heart is aching. Smile, even though it’s breaking. Wait! That’s a song right?
5. Let her play alone with your child but first, teach your little tyke a lesson on self defense. Hiyaah!
6. Never draw first blood unless your name is John Rambo.
7. Never do business with her unless she promises to put up the capital, give you all the profit and migrate to Timbuktu.
8. Speak only when you’re spoken to. What’s the point of getting up close and personal with someone you don’t like (vice-versa) anyways?
9. Of the thirty-six strategies, fleeing is best. Avoid confrontations as much as you can. And please, for the love of God, live in different buildings!
10. Blog about it and tell everybody you’re just joking.
11. Take comfort in the fact that your husband hates her too but can’t get rid of her because they’re blood related. For what it’s worth, he’s in deeper shi*t than you are.
12. Always know where you stand. Even if you’re not the crazy bitch around here, blood will always be thicker than water. Just like in your own family.
Lesson learned. Pesky in-laws are like diabetes, it’s going to be there forever but there are a lot of ways to work around it.
Now what are you waiting for? Start smiling sideways!