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Monthly Archives: June 2009

I am a freaked out sister.

My sister and fifteen of her other classmates in medical school are down with fever. They probably got it when they all went to a party during the weekend.

Our mom immediately took a ferry to Iloilo after she heard the news. I was initially worried that it might be a case of swine flu but my sister assured me that it is not.

Swine Flue Symptoms

Swine Flu Symptoms

I didn’t want to blog about it until Bebeth was in better shape. She’s poking me non-stop on facebook right now so that should be a good sign.I

 
5 Comments

Posted by on June 30, 2009 in Personal, Politics

 

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I am 12 tips to surviving a pesky in-law.

Disclaimer: All the characters mentioned in this article are fictional hallucinations only. Any similarities to actual persons, places or events are purely coincidental and mildly unintentional.

Getting married entails the privilege of adding fifty relatives to your family tree. In a basket full of delectable and crunchy apples, there should be a couple of rotten ones to spoil your fun. Here are my 12 fool proof tips to surviving a pest-y, I mean pesky in-law.

1. In the words of Rachel Leigh Cook.. be silent, be still, be silent, be still– because anything you say can and will be used against you. Pesky people will promise you that.

Avoid

Avoid!

2. Read the line Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.”
100 times before you sleep. Frame it on your wall if you have to.

3. When you’re angry, count 1 to 10 backwards. When you’re really really angry, count 1 to 100 backwards. So on and so forth.

4. Smile, though your heart is aching. Smile, even though it’s breaking. Wait! That’s a song right?

Smile!

Smile!

5. Let her play alone with your child but first, teach your little tyke a lesson on self defense. Hiyaah!

6. Never draw first blood unless your name is John Rambo.

7. Never do business with her unless she promises to put up the capital, give you all the profit and migrate to Timbuktu.

8. Speak only when you’re spoken to. What’s the point of getting up close and personal with someone you don’t like (vice-versa) anyways?

9. Of the thirty-six strategies, fleeing is best. Avoid confrontations as much as you can. And please, for the love of God, live in different buildings!

10. Blog about it and tell everybody you’re just joking.

Blog!

Blog!

11. Take comfort in the fact that your husband hates her too but can’t get rid of her because they’re blood related. For what it’s worth, he’s in deeper shi*t than you are.

12. Always know where you stand. Even if you’re not the crazy bitch around here, blood will always be thicker than water. Just like in your own family.

Lesson learned. Pesky in-laws are like diabetes, it’s going to be there forever but there are a lot of ways to work around it.

Now what are you waiting for? Start smiling sideways!

 
13 Comments

Posted by on June 30, 2009 in People, Personal

 

I am a funny moment.

In a time of global warming, equal rights and economic recessions… men and women seem to undergo a reversal of fortune of some sort.

I am a funny moment that happened a few years ago.  It may not be as crack worthy to you as it is to me but I will share it anyway. Here goes…

Two lovers were in the middle of a motel entrance when the girlfriend (who was the one sitting behind the wheel) suddenly stopped the car to a halt. She looked at her nervous boyfriend and said:

Girlfriend: “Sigurado ka nga ready ka na? Pwede ko ya kahulat.” (Are you sure you’re ready for this? I’m willing to wait.)

Boyfriend (sweating profusely): “Oo. Sigurado na ko.” (Yes. I’m really sure.)

… and the tall gates of the motel closed with the two dimwits inside.

25 Year-Old Virgin

23 Year-Old Virgin

I am no Maria Clara nor am I a supporter of male chauvinism but sometimes I miss living in a world where men are men and women are women. Sigh.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on June 29, 2009 in People, Personal

 

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I am an open letter.

An Open Letter to Manny Villar
CC: Mar Roxas
BCC: Ad Hungry Politicians

Dear Manuel,

I commend you sir, for single-handedly taking the term “camwhore” to the next level. I thought Bong Revilla was going to do it but you did!

Mr. Tondo

Mr. Tondo

I used to like you Mr. Senator. You and your rags-to-riches rise from poverty. That crumbling shack in Moriones St. has made you an icon to the masses– but don’t you think it’s already a bit overplayed? I’ve seen you for far too many times on TV that I now hate seeing the color orange.

I heard you spent 300 million pesos on those commercials. Are you crazy? Have you forgotten how hard it is to even earn 300 pesos these days?

We are not as dumb as you think sir. We are a nation forged by years of war, dictatorship and corruption. We will know a good leader when we see one. The only problem is that we haven’t seen one in many years.

Please spend your millions where it is sorely needed. You, of all people, should know how many lives you can change with even a small portion of that. The only people who profit from these political ads are the those who already own 25 to 50 buildings in this country.

Let’s make a deal Mr. Senator. I promise to vote for you if you start feeding hungry kids in Payatas behind my back. The media is going to show it on TV anyway. Were talking 10,000 pogi point and free publicity here.

Mr. Padyak

Mr. Padyak

.. and kindly tell Mar Roxas that a bear is two inches short from having the skin that he has. His fiancee is an intelligent and respectable woman. How he trampled on her childhood dreams for romance and true love by making her an accessory to his political ambitions.

A marriage proposal on Wowowee? Bravo sir, how momentous! I wonder why he didn’t drive a padyak onstage and did the moonwalk after pulling over.

Tsk. Tsk. I won’t be surprised if suddenly he guest stars as “Bro” (finally revealed) in May Bukas Pa– flashing those big white molars in the end credits. Grrr! $#^!!%^&^!*F^&^*%&^&^%@#*!##^%%*@!!!!!

That was my one year old son typing the last line by the way. It’s his future too anyway.

 
22 Comments

Posted by on June 29, 2009 in Current Events, Personal, Politics, Television, Videos

 

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I am iagosmom.

Mommy

Ah! The pressure!

I have recently changed my internet name from “iagosmom” to “iamnobe” because it gave me more space to breath.

I was still single when I started blogging. Freedom of expression was never a problem in those times because no one looked up to me like I was some kind of long-haired goddess.

When I got married and became a mom, I started to limit my language and my thoughts within a block of ice in order to please a certain demographic. I did not want to offend anybody nor did I want any other blogger to lecture me on “responsibility”. See how hard I’ve been on myself lately?

I love my son more than anything, but being “iagosmom” online just bored me to death. Motherhood changed me in a lot of ways–  even in my style of writing. (Ha! If pushing a 6.4 pound critter out of your vagina doesn’t change you, nothing else will.)

Moving on, I’m already tired of regularly stopping in my tracks to contemplate about all my blog entries and commentaries. Is it demure enough? Does it sound mother-like? Shall I tone it down a little bit?

Im no Superwoman.

I'm no Superwoman.

Case in point. I have been itching to talk about the latest of Hayden Kho sex videos for weeks now. I want to say this and this and that but I can’t because I am supposed to be blushing over these things and most importantly, I don’t want people to know that I’ve been watching those videos!

Then it suddenly dawned on me… motherhood does not define all of me. It is merely an extension of my crazy and opinionated self.

Is it possible that I took motherhood the wrong way? Instead of limiting me, it should actually give me some level of authority to talk about things like sex, love and rock n’ roll right?

(think think) As much as I want to elaborate on the matter, I’m already tired of listening to myself. So there…

 
9 Comments

Posted by on June 28, 2009 in Blogging, Internet

 

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I am a blogger.

Janette Toral, author of the Digital Filipino website, encourages all bloggers to come up with their top ten list of blogs that made an impact on their readers in 2009. 1.  Hay Men! Ang blog ng mga tunay na lalake!- I will nominate this blog if only for the dozes of laughter I get when I read any one of its entries.

2. Good Times Manila- If you think this blog is screwing with you then it is. It says so in the disclaimer. Hehe.

3. Patay Gutom – Any blog that says “Application for new members are now closed. Because… it’s not open anymore.” on their membership form wins my heart. I never thought the word “patay gutom” can sound so classy. Hehehe.

4. Numbrd- I’m including this blog in my shortlist for it’s sheer uniqueness. I hate numbers by the way.

5. Chasing Light- This blogs is so full of life and positivity. Plus, I heart anyone who can make Spanish Sardines in Tetra Pack look good in pictures.

6. Zorlone- He reminds me of an art I have long since forgotten.

7. Writing to Exhale- One word. Elegance.

8. The Thirsty Blogger – This is a toast to relationships that were formed, mended and ended over drinks. It has always been a mystery why some people are willing to shed a couple hundred bucks on drinks that they can take buy anywhere for more than half the price. Well I say, it’s not about the tea. It’s about the time

.

9. Bahay ni Badong- I have enough deep thoughts in my brain that I can handle. If this blog was a movie, it’s a feel good movie.

10. This is why you’re fat.- Wow, ang sarap mabuhay!

Go to Top Ten Emerging Influential Blogs of 2009 by Janette Toral. This writing project will not be possible without the support of sponsors such as Absolute Traders, My Brute Cheats, Business Summaries, Fitness Advantage Club, Events and Corporate Video, http://www.eventsatwork.com/, Dominguez Marketing Communications, Red Mobile, Budget hotel in Makati, and Blog4Reviews.com.

 
63 Comments

Posted by on June 28, 2009 in Blogging, Current Events, People

 

I am an MJ fan.

If there’s one good thing about Michael Jackson’s death at age 50 today, it’s the fact that we won’t see this great man self-destruct before our very eyes. I only want to remember the glory that is Michael Jackson.

Michael Jackson Glory Days

Michael Jackson

Bye Mike! It’s hard to envision the world without you but I’d rather you go this way.

 
7 Comments

Posted by on June 26, 2009 in Current Events, Music, People

 

I am courage.

What is courage? Have you ever seen it? Have you ever touched it? Have you ever known it?

Ladies and gentlemen, THIS IS COURAGE.

 

 

I can’t help but get goosebumps because I expected a lot less from her. I thought it’s only a matter of time before she overdosed herself with one liter of Thiodan (or any similar concoction)– but she didn’t. Instead, she pressed on like a phoenix rising from it’s ashes.

Taong Grasa

Taong Grasa

I really admire the way she keeps mum about this whole fiasco. If it were me, I would probably go to Hayden’s house with twenty cameras in tow– at sasampalin ko siya ng bonggang-bongga!

 
6 Comments

Posted by on June 25, 2009 in Current Events, People

 

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I am Gretchen Baretto’s face.

If there’s one person in the world whom I thought could rely on her aesthetics to save her life, it’s Gretchen Barretto, being the classic epitome of goddess-like beauty.

Now why would anyone, as beautiful as she is, want to tamper with such perfection? Please enlighten me because I’m a little bit confused here.

Gretchen Barretto Today

Gretchen Barretto After

BTW, whoever did me… lips, cheek, nose and all should go back to med school and study harder.

 
21 Comments

Posted by on June 24, 2009 in People

 

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I am a wifey.

Due to the rising number of cases of swine flu we can’t go to places with lots of people this father’s day. We are like the Cullens now.

Daddy is drinking beer and singing “Charing” with our houseboys. Baby is watching them while doing the happy dance. Mommy snuck out of videoke night to blog. Shhh!

Our Family

Our Family

Anyhoo, have many more years of fun being a dad damdibear! Sawisawisawa! Sis! Boom! Bah! Animo La Salle! Animo La Salle! (private joke)

 
4 Comments

Posted by on June 21, 2009 in Personal

 

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I am an irate customer.

I’m sorry but I have nowhere else to vent my frustration over Globe Broadband’s very unreliable service. I already told tech support about how peeved I am a couple thousand times but as it turns out, I am just a statistic.

Globelies Brokenband

Globelies Brokenband

I had a month with zero internet connection and another month with slow and intermittent connection– that’s two months worth of online revenues vanishing into thin air! Now I have to call them everytime I want to go online so they could refresh my connection to the server???

This only means I have to sit through 30-45 minutes of hold time while listening to that uber irritating tech support melody three times everyday! (Are you effing kidding me?) That song, by the way, is called “A Tender Lie”– an art to which Globe is really good at.

As you walk away,
As we say goodbye.
What I wouldn’t give,
For a tender lie.
Say you’ll never stop loving me,
Just as if it were true.
How much more damage now, unto me,
Could one tender lie do?

When we fall so far,
Are we wrong to try?
To fight off the truth,
With a tender lie?
Say you’re gonna come back to me,
And I’ll believe that it’s true,
How much more damage now, unto me,
Could one tender lie do?

I seriously have to get Globelines out of my life before I suffer from any major heart attack.

I have thought about ignoring my bills so they can automatically cancel my subscription but honestly, I wouldn’t want debt collectors to go knocking on my door every Monday morning.

The worst part about it is that I can’t transfer to other broadband companies for fear that they might be worse. Huhuhu.

Globelines capitalizes on my helplessness. It’s like they’re indirectly forcing me to eat malunggay ice cream because rocky road is out of stock.

 
11 Comments

Posted by on June 21, 2009 in Internet, Personal

 

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I am a hopeless romantic.

rhett

Clark Gable in Gone with the Wind

5. Rhett Butler

to Scarlett – “No, I don’t think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That’s what’s wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.”

Now here’s one byronic hero who can ruin your reputation and spoil you rotten while he’s at it. “Go ahead Rhett, ruin me!” says my inner groupie. Hehehe.

chuck bass

Ed Westwick in Gossip Girl

4. Chuck Bass

to – Blair – “Not as clear as the sound of you purring in my ear, which I have been replaying over and over.”

Emphasis on the Season 1 Chuck Bass. God I love his witty one-liners– biting and ever so cruel. Sadly, everything went downhill for him in Season 2. Must be the hair!

darcy

Matthew McFadyen in Pride & Prejudice

3. Fitzwilliam Darcy

to Lizzie – “By my honesty in admitting scruples about our relationship. Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your circumstances?”

I thought Colin Firth is the only one who can pull off the Darcy character. I thought wrong. Matthew McFadyen pwned the part. Every little twitch he makes with those facial muscles, reminds me of great acting.

Edward_Cullen

Robert Pattinson in Twilight

2. Edward Cullen

to Bella – “I leave you alone for two minutes and the wolves descend.”

I’m really tempted to write “need I say more?” but that would go with the assumption that every living , breathing female on earth is attracted to him. My 83-year old grandma isn’t because she hasn’t read the book nor watched the movie. Well, if she did…

gu jun pyo

Lee Min Ho in Boys Over Flowers

1. Gu Jun Pyo

to Jan Di - “You’re like a stain that I want to erase.”

He’s number 1 not because he’s the best but because he’s the latest addition to my multitude of sins. Hahaha!

heart

I won’t be too preachy about it but take handsome, uber-rich, honest-to-a-fault, charming, infamous and semi-obnoxious away from the equation and you’ll get men who love their heroines with stalker-ish delight.

That was my top five. What’s yours?

 
6 Comments

Posted by on June 17, 2009 in Movies, People, Television

 

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I am a soccer mom.

Forgive the poor picture quality as they are all secretly taken from my camera phone.

iago

One lonely spider wished to play.

iago3

Two beetles gasped and ran away.

It was my son’s first day of school and he was soo scared he started hugging my legs after seeing his classmates. He probably thought of them as tiny alien beings from another planet. Hahaha!

An hour or so of holding back tears and he’s already on a roll– running, climbing, pointing, eating and laughing. It was a happy ending!

iago4

Three fireflies saw her web and fled.

I was the one who insisted on sending Iago to playgroup even if he’s just one year and eight months old. He was developing some form of stranger anxiety due to lack of exposure to other people. So far, I like the results.

It’s a pity though because when I was his age,  my mom didn’t have to pay a single cent so I could play with other kids. They were called neighbors.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on June 17, 2009 in Personal

 

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I am a Filipino.

I know, I’m guilty of writing politically charged blog posts lately. I just can’t help it especially when I see Imelda Marcos crying on TV and telling everyone that she only lives off the former dictators pension nowadays.

Apparently, she was asking the government to “return” her jewels which are reportedly worth 15 billion pesos. Wow, where did she get all that money? I wonder.

Is she serious? She is one of Newsweeks ‘Greediest People of All Time’ for crying out loud! Even if she lived in the  slums and lived as a poor person until she rots, she won’t even get close to paying her financial and moral debts to the Filipino people.

“I have no more funds. I have no more funds.” she says in pure agony. Well I say this speech is entirely uncharacteristic of someone who used to close Bloomingdales for a day so she could enjoy a private  shopping experience.

imeda

Imelda Marcos

Madam, those jewels, shoes, cars and mansions belong to us Filipinos– all 91.1 million of us. You took it without our consent while bringing worldwide shame to your motherland. Now you still have the nerve to call them yours?

imelda diamond

Bvlgari Diamond Bangle, 30.76 carats ($1,000,000)

Up until now, I’m wondering why this lady was never put behind bars for corruption. Then again, who am I to question a justice system which allows the Arroyo family to roam the streets without any remorse?

 
12 Comments

Posted by on June 17, 2009 in Current Events, People

 

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I am an apathetic citizen.

“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”

- Edmund Burke

For a perennial lazybum and apathetic citizen like me, the Ako Mismo campaign is a damn good idea. I’ve been complaining about life here in the Philippines for far too long and I didn’t even vote in the last elections.

Oh I did? I can’t remember!

ako-mismo1

Chris Tiu

The website looks good– one of the best I’ve seen so far. I’m not sure if there is an underlying political motive behind it but I somehow like the idea that it unites people for the same cause. Oh, it unleashes the hunger striker in me!  Hahaha!

Jastine Salazar

Jastine Salazar

ako1

Iya Ol0ndriz

akomismomelissa

Melissa Villa

I like the overall aim of the campaign which is to involve us Filipinos in solving our country’s 1,000 year-old problems. I’ll support it just as long as they don’t sell my e-mail address to spam companies. Hehehe.

What can I say, Chris Tiu alone can lure me into that website. (wink)

 
16 Comments

Posted by on June 15, 2009 in Blogging, Current Events

 

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I am jealousy.

This beautiful award-winning actress…

 

gwyn

Gwyneth Paltrow

… also has the chops to sing this song with Babyface.

The sooner you accept it, the better.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on June 15, 2009 in Music, Videos

 

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I am an internet potato.

I am an internet potato. I have to surf the net for at least five hours a day or else I will suffer from withdrawal symptoms (not kidding). I’d rather not have water for a day than zero internet connection. That’s how bad it is.

Having said that, the first 3 websites I go to as soon as I open my browser are the following:

1. Facebook – because it’s practically updated every 10 seconds.  It’s my way of getting in touch with friends and family even if I live a few thousand miles away in Timbuktu.  Ironically, I know people more through their facebooks accounts than in real life.

2. Yahoomail – because iagosmom@yahoo.com is my lifeline. All my online accounts are connected to this bitch so what more can I say?

I also acknowledge the fact that I am a weird person and that my brain works in an entirely different tune, but I’m so hating that part of myself that misses spam e-mails whenever they’re not around!

3. PEP – because showbiz is my guilty pleasure. There’s nothing more reassuring than watching other people’s lives go down in flames because of their fame and fortune. Hehehe.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on June 15, 2009 in Blogging, Internet, Personal

 

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I am Google Philippines.

I especially have a cute logo today. I hope it stays there for while. (smile) (smile)

google


Bayang magiliw,
Perlas ng Silanganan,
Alab ng puso, Sa dibdib mo’y buhay.

Lupang Hinirang,
Duyan ka ng magiting,
Sa manlulupig,
‘Di ka pasisiil.

Sa dagat at bundok,
Sa simoy at sa langit mong bughaw,
May dilag ang tula
At awit sa paglayang minamahal.

Ang kislap ng watawat mo’y
Tagumpay na nagniningning,
Ang bituin at araw niya
Kailan pa ma’y di magdidilim.

Lupa ng araw, ng luwalhati’t pagsinta,
Buhay ay langit sa piling mo;
Aming ligaya, na ‘pag may mang-aapi
Ang mamatay nang dahil sa iyo.

 
8 Comments

Posted by on June 12, 2009 in Blogging, Internet

 

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I am shocked.

This is awful news. The sister of actress Rochelle Barrameda was found dead inside a drum in Navotas.

Ruby Rose was reported missing two years ago and it was not until two days ago that she was ever seen again. According to reports her body was handcuffed, placed inside a drum, sealed with cement, placed inside a 2-ton steel casing and dumped somewhere at sea.

Did I just blank on the part where it says that she was suffocated to death or did it really happen?

Ruby Rose Barrameda-Jimenez

Ruby Rose Barrameda-Jimenez

What kind of human being does that to a fellow human being? Whoever did this has a wilder imagination than Quentin Tarantino. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

 
11 Comments

Posted by on June 12, 2009 in Current Events, People

 

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I am a prisoner.

It’s Independence day today but we’re still fighting a hard battle against an evil president and her minions, con-ass, a culture of corruption, senators who prefer to discuss sex videos rather than our present economic state, Bong Revilla himself and our apathy to all of these things.

Ninoy Aquino

With everything that’s going on in our country today, heaven forbid our fallen heroes will rise from their graves visit us in our dreams to say, “This, this is what I got shot in the head for”?

 
2 Comments

Posted by on June 12, 2009 in People, Politics

 

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